Time Travel in a Bottle

All,
During my time at the Command and General Staff College I have been inundated with the concept of achieving balance. Over the long weekend I have discovered the key to achieving balance. Beer, though I was stationed in Germany for five years beginning in 2002, I have only recently discovered the hidden secret only know by brew masters and Albert Einstein.

The current CGSC ratio of class work to home work is one to one so every hour of class time students are expected to conduct one hour of class prep outside of class. That ratio is fine it you are a single introvert who enjoys artificial light and Top Raman noodles for dinner. However your typical CGSC student is between 33 and 37 years of age with 2 children, has deployed at least once and is working on an Advanced Degree, providing little time to relax. Roughly an average day at CGSC is six hours of instruction with another six hours of homework. Roughly twelve hours devoted to CGSC. For those working for a Masters tack on average a four hour block of instruction and two hour block for home work. So our total is 18 hours of self improvement. Include family time 3hrs and sleep your day complete.

Back to the jest of my recent discovery, beer is a time machine. Here is the theory; the person who is drinking a beer has caused the space time continuum to bend slightly thus creating a “Beer Gap”. Once inside the beer gap the beer drinker begins to speak slowly, and have slower reaction time relative to those non-beer drinkers in the general area. The “Beer Gap” is widened by prolong consumption and therefore in order to commutate the beer drinker must yell to compensate for the perceived distance.

It is within this “Beer Gap” where time lost to CGSC can be regained to accomplish yellow sheets and essays in a record time.
This new miracle in science does not come without some consequences. In order to maintain a “Beer Gap” large amounts of beer must be consumed which may cause severe headaches a temporary aversion to noise, loss of memory and possible motion sickness. All cases are not due to beer but the sever trauma of time travel. So please test my theory and I will be expecting my Nobel Prize for science in the mail with my latest order of sea monkeys.

John
Time Traveler Extraordinaire